At 42" England were big losers...!

I sit here now totally impressed with the tag-line pun I have just created. Before putting it in I ran it past my new wife (reason to follow), and she said at most it caused "...mild mirth..." at least she didn't say "...followed by sympathy...” Anyhow, I suppose I had better explain.

My new wife turned up on Saturday. She looks kind of like my old (yet devastatingly beautiful) wife, but different. I left my old wife at the hairdressers, and wandered off into town with Jocelyn staggering along beside me (it was a very, very slow wander. In fact it took me almost 45 minutes to go 100m). I eventually totally succumbed to the power of advertising and entered the "SUPER SATURDAY" sale in Harvey Norman (for the non Kiwi amongst you, it is a big department store akin to John Lewis). Being male, and without wife I headed straight for the electrical department thinking that I might be able to pick up a plug or maybe a new 13 amp fuse on the cheap. That is when Jessica sidetracked me. A red head in tight jeans, knee-high boots and tight T-shirt (before you start wondering, this is not my new wife). She asked me if she could help in any way, and not wanting to admit that I was on the scrounge for a new 13 amp fuse or something equally trivial said I was in the market for a brand new plasma screen TV.... fatal mistake. Jessica asked me what size I was after, and I again felt that my manliness was under intense scrutiny...was 32" to small, or 50" boasting?? So I took the middle ground and opted for 42". After selecting the 'Jo Average 42" I was faced with a plethora of new options, "...would Sir consider full HD or HD Ready? Will Sir require a Neo-Plasma or standard, bearing in mind that Neo-Plasma will reduce your carbon footprint? Gaming or not gaming? Sports or no sport?..." The barrage of questions was relentless. That is when Jocelyn took over. With Ice Age 3 playing on the sets, Jocelyn kindly crawled up and selected the screen on which Sid the Sloth was clearest and pleased her the most. Thankfully it was the non Neo-Plasma environment destruction model (I can't stand it when people talk to me about my carbon footprint). I was now so far down the line, and couldn't stand to disappoint my daughter, so I bought it. But only after I had the surge protector and screen cleaner thrown in...

In the end though I am glad to report that victory was mine! Jocelyn charmed Jessica enough that she threw in a Multi Coloured Turtle Massager.

Any way, I have digressed hugely. We wandered (slowly) out of Harvey Normans feeling good, and back to the salon where I had left my wife. I walked in and she was gone. I thought maybe she out the back having a blow dry and rinse (I believe that is what you females have done at these places) so I took a seat. Jocelyn ventured off and on my way to retrieve her; a stunning blonde caught my eye. I had the kind of guilty second glance that married men sometimes do, and realised that.... BONUS.......it was indeed my wife! Amazing what a new snip and bit of colour can do. (If anyone has any better ideas on how to phrase that last sentence without sounded hugely chauvinistic, let me know so I can change it).

So, there we go. A new T.V and a new wife. Excellent. Oh yeah and a Multi Coloured Turtle massager. Mega.

"Boris the Multi Coloured Turtle Massager"

"My 'new' wife and Baby J, the best TV chooser in town"

P.S - Tag line pun was to indicate that I had watched England loose to the All Blacks on my new super huge TV. In case you hadn't worked it out.